I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
