Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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