I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
