you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
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Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
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I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I love you. Go after that dick
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