toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
