yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
