Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
