Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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