I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
