he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I feel like death gave me a hand job
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
