You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
