Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
