We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
True but thats because hes a fetus.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
