Will you blow on my dice?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
