Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
