i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
