i don't plan on having that self control this summer
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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