never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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