When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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