Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
