Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
