I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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