I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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