So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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