i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
