just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
