I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
