She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
