i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
