They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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