Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
