Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
