Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
