I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
