the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
