I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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