He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
