I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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