Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
