She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
