she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
