you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
