Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
