the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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