Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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