I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
