So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
