Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
