Kiss
Puke
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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