I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
