How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
