And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
