please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
