i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
