Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
