they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
