I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
she peed on how many people?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
