are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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