So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
