omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
