The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
They have beer where we have blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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