those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
