she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
