I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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