he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
