i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
