I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
