I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
