dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
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I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
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He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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